The word I love to hate

So I often try to forget that I have auto-immune issues (for me it’s Grave’s Disease) and for a period of time, it works. Sometimes I am in a good spot for months on end and I am thankful, oh so thankful.

But then it starts – a little more fatigue than normal, or a LOT more fatigue than normal and many other seemingly unrelated and usually small symptoms that separately may not amount to much, but together, form a “collection of symptoms” that might mean something. A flare up. Something’s not quite right. I can tell. And oh I want to feel my best, but it’s just not happening right now. My body seems to be betraying me. It’s hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it, but if you have, you are nodding along with me right this instant.

So I do a mental check off a list 1) Am I getting enough rest? 2) Am I eating right? 3) Am I under stress right now? I adjust accordingly, based on my answers. If that doesn’t help, I typically get down right frustrated. I begin to make doctor’s appointments, get blood work checked, bump up my vitamin intake, and…begin researching things among my friends and possibly Google. (A mistake more often than not-the Google research, that is. The friend thing usually works out very well.)

However, it’s during my Google search that I see the word, the word that I love to hate, in this instance. Malaise. Here’s one definition of malaise: A feeling of general discomfort of uneasiness, of being “out of sorts”, often the first indication of an infection or other disease.

At first glance, seeing this word brings a sense of relief. Oh that’s it, I think! There’s actually a word for it. It brings definition to what I am feeling.

But that’s where my love affair with this word ends. Because there is no definitive cure for malaise. I have been given a word for it, but nothing concrete to help me feel better. And with auto-immune issues, there is often a lot of trial and error before you find a regimen that helps. And it may only help for a season and at the end of that season, you find yourself back on Google. Ah…malaise…yes, that’s it!

So, my advice? Stay off Google. 🙂 Take care of yourself. Seek help from the right health care professionals and surround yourself with positive people. Kick that malaise to the curb, but if it does come back, remind it that it isn’t welcome to stay for long.



One thought on “The word I love to hate

  1. Oh, Melissa, do I know how you feel….I have hypothyroidism and when it is out of sync I find I nod to all of your experiences…the body is very delicate thing, and it was made by God….I know that the Lord always knows where I’m at and I know he is the answer, not Google ….
    your blog is very informative and know you are in my prayers….and maybe the word Malaise will disappear from our vocabulary ……love ya aunt edie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s